Help. Poor wife spiralling again.

[Davyatsea]

Help. I’ve come in from work and found my wife drinking heavily 2 bottles of wine so far. She is expecting to drive to work in the morning. She already has conviction and is now back on the road after getting her license back.
I feel really mean but have now hidden her car keys. She is under SO much pressure and I fear she is going downhill again. I cannot face her taking the risk of driving at all tomorrow. Just wondering what to do. I feel so mean, but don’t know how to deal with this. She is waiting diagnosis for Borderline Personality Disorder and adult assessment for autism.

 

[neebob200]

Help. I’ve come in from work and found my wife drinking heavily 2 bottles of wine so far. She is expecting to drive to work in the morning. She already has conviction and is now back on the road after getting her license back.
I feel really mean but have now hidden her car keys. She is under SO much pressure and I fear she is going downhill again. I cannot face her taking the risk of driving at all tomorrow. Just wondering what to do. I feel so mean, but don’t know how to deal with this. She is waiting diagnosis for Borderline Personality Disorder and adult assessment for autism.

Hello mate first thing first,don't allow your wife to drive tomorrow that way she will not be arrested for drink driving or worse injure someone.you can then deal with your other problems.

 

[Davyatsea]

Many thanks Neebob. I have removed her car keys so she cannot drive today. She ended up on about a glass short of three bottles. I’m not sure she has realised truly the fact she can’t drive today, but I think this realisation will come later on. Her mum is driving up to see us for the weekend (part of our support bubble). My wife will be expected to drive out and meet her mum to guide her towards our house (her mum suffering from anxiety about finding our new home). She will then face having to explain to her mum that she cannot drive today - unless she gets an Uber to where her mum will be. This will also raise questions from her mum, which I know she will be too embarrassed to explain. Her mum has narcissistic tendencies and has already placed a great deal of pressure on my wife, partly leading to last night.
Also, as far as you guys on here are aware - when is my wife safe to drive? By my reckoning, it is at least 8pm tonight, but I’m not sure my wife accepts that. Many thanks again.

 

[Recovered22]

Hello mate first thing first,don't allow your wife to drive tomorrow that way she will not be arrested for drink driving or worse injure someone.you can then deal with your other problems.

You did the right thing keeping the keys and being careful about today. The average bottle of wine is 10 units mate. So a glass off 3 bottles you can say is 27 units. You lose 1 unit per hour roughly, starting half an hour after your first drink. So if she began drinking last night at 6pm she will blow 0 at 9:30pm this evening.

Whatever time she had her first drink yesterday, go forward half an hour then count forward 27 hours to get the time of blowing a 0.

 

[Davyatsea]

Brilliant, many thanks mate. Sounds like I wasn’t too far off by saying 8pm. I just couldn’t bear the thought of her being caught again. She only got her licence back in August following her first ban.

 

[price1367]

The above figures on when the alcohol
Will have left your wife are correct, but you also have to think what she
Might be like in withdrawal, when she could be under the drink drive limit but maybe not fit to drive....

 

[Davyatsea]

The above figures on when the alcohol
Will have left your wife are correct, but you also have to think what she
Might be like in withdrawal, when she could be under the drink drive limit but maybe not fit to drive....

Very true. She did admit this morning that she felt a bit iffy (can’t remember exactly what she said). I’ll see how she is when I’m home later on. Of course, her mum will be with us, so it may hinder conversation while she’s here.

 

[WinterSnow]

Very true. She did admit this morning that she felt a bit iffy (can’t remember exactly what she said). I’ll see how she is when I’m home later on. Of course, her mum will be with us, so it may hinder conversation while she’s here.

You sound like an incredibly supportive spouse. Thank you for supporting your wife. Feeling alone in the process is SO counter productive even though I understand the frustration of the innocent party

 

[C J 1980]

Davy

Sorry to read your story. Without going too much off topic, I know a couple of people who are struggling at the moment with all of these lockdown & Tier restrictions and turning to alcohol quite heavily.

Have things improved the last few days?

CJ

 

[Davyatsea]

Davy

Sorry to read your story. Without going too much off topic, I know a couple of people who are struggling at the moment with all of these lockdown & Tier restrictions and turning to alcohol quite heavily.

Have things improved the last few days?

CJ

Hi CJ,
Sorry, I've only just spotted this (emails full of spam). I'm on no doubt, my wife is struggling, but she does try really hard. Interestingly enough, she has now had her assessment for autism and is waiting for results (more stress with waiting). Today, she has an assessment for specialist psychotherapy, which she has had to fill in a questionnaire for. Without going into too much detail, she has been open and honest with drinking issues, dietary issue and the greater issue of her mental health and childhood upbringing. i do believe this is a major game changer for her, and could be a real turning point once the therapy starts properly. I'm not saying she will be 'alright' overnight, but I'm open to see how this goes for her.