Can initial court date be changed? We should be on holiday:( Husband charged with failing to provide,but he did provide breath results.

[Polly3]

It’s not what you’ve done, it’s how you make up for it that counts.

You’re right to be furious with him. He ****ed up. But guess what - so did all of us! We’re human, it’s what we do. We mess up. None of us are proud of it, yet it doesn’t define us.

What is the measure of us is how we atone for it. Do we bury our heads in the sand for instance, make excuses, lie about it… or instead do we chalk it up as a mistake to learn from and make up for, or better still in some instances (certainly mine) see it as the wake-up call it is.

Support your man. You’re doing a great job so far, but you’d do better if you’d tell him to cut the crap (fair enough given the help you’re clearly providing for him over this) and tell you the truth, so you can help him properly.

But tell him straight that it’s time to measure up from now on. As a husband, and more importantly a father. He has an example to set, after all, and you can do it alone and would; but would rather not have to.

I wish you luck. But the sooner everyone wises up, the sooner you and your family will prosper again.

Great words. I always think that you can measure the worth of a person by how they respond to their #*#k ups. If they face up to it/ are honest / learn they will certainly recover . No one is perfect. We just mess up in different ways .

 

[Dinlo]

I don't think it's for any of us to be offering advice on how the OP approaches her relationship with her husband, that is solely their business. She came here for advice on her husband's situation albeit from a position where the full facts have most likely been held back from her. I believe she's taken the advice on board and it's now up to her husband to do the right thing for himself and his family. How the OP deals with the relationship is her own business however she has certainly been given very good advice around the procedures surrounding the DD arrest and forthcoming court appearance.

 

[Sundog]

I don't think it's for any of us to be offering advice on how the OP approaches her relationship with her husband, that is solely their business. She came here for advice on her husband's situation albeit from a position where the full facts have most likely been held back from her. I believe she's taken the advice on board and it's now up to her husband to do the right thing for himself and his family. How the OP deals with the relationship is her own business however she has certainly been given very good advice around the procedures surrounding the DD arrest and forthcoming court appearance.

Agree 100% with the sentiment. But what if the two are intertwined which in this case they are?

I don’t think anyone just leapt in and played relationship counseller because they enjoy it. As you say; none of us has the right to just do that. That being said, if you read back though all this I only think any of that came into it when it became apparent that this lady is in a situation she doesn’t understand; and is clearly being lied to. It’s difficult to be if any use to anyone if we aren’t allowed to point that out.

 

[Coostietightner123]

Agree 100% with the sentiment. But what if the two are intertwined which in this case they are?

I don’t think anyone just leapt in and played relationship counseller because they enjoy it. As you say; none of us has the right to just do that. That being said, if you read back though all this I only think any of that came into it when it became apparent that this lady is in a situation she doesn’t understand; and is clearly being lied to. It’s difficult to be if any use to anyone if we aren’t allowed to point that out.

%

 

[WinterSnow]

I agree with the above but when OP hinted that this could be the end of them per se, I just wanted to make the suggestion that perhaps they could move on afterwards. I was not trying to be a counsellor etc.
I genuinely hope the OP and SO can work through this for them and their children.

 

[Coostietightner123]

I agree with the above but when OP hinted that this could be the end of them per se, I just wanted to make the suggestion that perhaps they could move on afterwards. I was not trying to be a counsellor etc.
I genuinely hope the OP and SO can work through this for them and their children.

Agree, couples have survived through much worse. And not survived for much less. Just as with DD many of us have been through similar. And it was the original OP that first mooted that course of action. Anyway, hopefully everything will return to normal with this place and we will start discussing more pertinent matters….like me
I bought a Mercedes amg right before I was banned. It’s in storage and coming home soon. It’s like an old flame returning.

 

[Coostietightner123]

Only 38 week days left to the end of my ban. And I’ve not even had my DVLA medical date yet lol, would I be being a little optimistic to think I have a chance of driving by then?

 

[okcana86]

Thank you all for your advice and for opening my eyes more to what I already suspected. Only time will tell if i can get over this situation and have trusting relationship. But small steps at the moment, it's all still processing in my head and I'm all over this change curve. One moment trying to accept and be grateful that it didn't turn out worse, another thinking it couldn't come at worse time, with all the price rises and cold winter on the way but it is how its meant to be so no point complaining, will get used to the idea eventually

 

[Dinlo]

okcana86, whilst my circumstances are different to your husbands, I had my licence revoked for medical reasons back in March and I'm still waiting for all the relevant paperwork, medical evidence etc to be able to reapply. When I received the letter informing me that I was not to drive I was devastated and I could not sleep the first night due to worrying how everything was going to work. Somehow, I've made things work and I've adapted but also had a lot of help from friends and relatives. 8 months down the line I'm not confident in seeing the return of my licence before the year ends but the time has passed relatively painlessly. I've also saved a hell of a lot by not spending it on petrol!

 

[WinterSnow]

Thank you all for your advice and for opening my eyes more to what I already suspected. Only time will tell if i can get over this situation and have trusting relationship. But small steps at the moment, it's all still processing in my head and I'm all over this change curve. One moment trying to accept and be grateful that it didn't turn out worse, another thinking it couldn't come at worse time, with all the price rises and cold winter on the way but it is how its meant to be so no point complaining, will get used to the idea eventually

Please don’t be too hard on your SO. Unfortunately life will be different but he’s going to feel so bad right now too. Any fines can be paid in instalments and as you say; it could have been so much worse.
Give him a hug. You don’t have to forgive him but he will also be struggling right now.

 

[stu12341234]

Please don’t be too hard on your SO. Unfortunately life will be different but he’s going to feel so bad right now too. Any fines can be paid in instalments and as you say; it could have been so much worse.
Give him a hug. You don’t have to forgive him but he will also be struggling right now.

Hi,

It is the "End of the world" scenario with emotion, overthinking, anxitey those feelings that play on your mind daily, but only if you let it. It is a mistake but if you do not learn from it and then repeat the same mistake, the punishment will be far worse.

We are all human.

We make mistakes.

Kind regards,




Stu